You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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