what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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