i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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