i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
