five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
