I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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