This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
