I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
