better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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