It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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