you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
