id be glad to
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
