I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize