yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
