Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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