I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
