Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
