nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize