i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
