why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize