Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
