took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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