Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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