smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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