you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize