Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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