I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
