OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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