How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
