think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
