Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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