Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize