I'm so fucking centered right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
