I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's blow job season.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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