i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
