My liver just broke up with me...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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