I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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