I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
