i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
