I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
