I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
