If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
