I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
