apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
