Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm like, not good at living.
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