Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But theres a keg here and me gusta
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
