Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
