If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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