I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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