Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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