my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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