I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
