I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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