Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
