Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
