My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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