i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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