I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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