oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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