apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
