Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
