i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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