I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
