I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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