Whod you bang
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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