Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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