You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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