We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
