hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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