smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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