How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize