someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
