We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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