Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
