I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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