Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
